Smart & Healthy Ways to Instruct Children in an Effective Way

  Smart & Healthy Ways to Instruct Children in an Effective Way

Kids who were disciplined misbehaved more than those whose parents took the time to role model positive behaviour and talk to the children about their actions.

Why do we discipline our children? It is easy. We desire that they discern right from wrong. However, discipline doesn't help kids learn right from wrong. We are aware that kids need to be motivated by themselves. When adults reprimand and discipline them, they simply achieve outward discipline or excellent behaviour for show.

In actuality, kids ought to want to make moral decisions for themselves. They should use their moral courage and empathy to navigate the world and its issues. As parents, we cannot always be there to set these boundaries for our children since there are moments when it is difficult for us to tell what is right from wrong.

Addressing the root cause

"Where did we ever get the ridiculous notion that we have to first make kids feel worse before we can make them do better? Consider the last time you experienced humiliation or unfair treatment. Did you feel like helping out or improving? ”

What does this imply for us as caregivers and parents? We frequently chastise or penalise children to make them responsible for their actions. Instead, we must hold them responsible for their behaviour, regardless of whether an authority figure is there.

The child's behaviour toward others is less important to us than what we will do to him if he disobeys the rules.

We are not assisting a child in dealing with the feelings that led to her behaviour, and we are not addressing the underlying issue.

Connection before correction

We all yell at our children when we notice bad behaviour. Let’s face it, we are human and we are living during a pandemic, so of course, emotions and moods run high. Yelling, as human as it is, doesn’t do much. It cuts off the line of connection we have with our children. A parent once told me that she would yell at her daughter but when her husband yelled at the child and she was an on-looker, she looked at it from a different perspective and realized how horrible it felt. Sometimes we need to make a small but important switch from reactive parenting to responsive parenting

What more can we do besides yelling at or reprimanding our children? 

You can make a list of your triggers and attempt to address them. Additionally, attempt to comprehend the distinction between a reaction and a response. A response is different from a reaction since it involves listening to your child's perspective and working to identify the underlying causes of the behaviour.

Express your feelings and also express their feelings too. It is good to say, “you are very upset that you cannot go to the park. I am feeling pretty mad too.” Take a break in case you think you are close to losing it. This is a good thing for the kids to see and they too can learn to breathe and become calm before saying or doing something.

Timeouts are not intrinsic; they are external.

When you put your child in time out, you are making them sit away from you for a set amount of time. Yes, it is important to teach children about "space" and how to give themselves space when they are angry, but understand this: When a child is filled with strong emotions, forcing her to sit away from you teaches her nothing and prevents us from connecting and communicating. A little toddler cannot comprehend such powerful and perplexing feelings. They require our assistance to complete that duty.

Do check out Cherub Montessori Preschool in Bangalore Challenge for Parents, a no-yelling challenge that a parent started and which has now developed into a supportive community.